The Last Bride.
by lemonade
Summary: Kaylan, one of the brides who was 'auditioning' sees something she shouldn't have and is later employed by Kuzco.
1. No Likee

"Augh! I can't believe he just dismissed the whole group of us!" Kaylan Viracocha grumbled to her companions as she savagely pulled her hair back into a tight ponytail. Back in the dressing room after a long and gruelling wait for a decision and STILL NOTHING! Wiping off her make-up with a damp cloth she fumed and griped.  
"Well that's the last time." She said to fellow prospective bride Rula. "I've had it. I came to the bright lights seeking a life, something interesting. This isn't it!"  
"Your opinion belongs to you, Kaylan." Rula said, combing her hair and staring into space. "But isn't he just dreamy?"  
Rula smile vaguely, as if seeing something Kaylan could not.  
"I'm sure he'll change his mind about my hair... next time."  
"Augh!" Kaylan exclaimed. "He's never going to change anything! Can't you see?"  
"We are treated well..." Rula mumbled.  
"We are pampered like toy poodles, pretty girls standing in a line at a... a... a DOG SHOW!"  
"We are kept off the streets." Continued Rula.  
"We are caged and denyed our freedom!"  
"We get to look at him..." Rula resumed staring into space and her vague smile returned.  
Kaylan threw down her hairbrush. "That's the last of it! I'm getting out of this dump and I'm getting out NOW!"  
Kaylan stormed out of the room, startling several guards on her way out.  
"Miss!" One guard called. "You're not supposed to be let out yet!"  
Kaylan put an a sickly sweet smile and turned to the guard. "Please sir, I need some fresh air."  
A puzzled expression settled on the unintelligent guard and Kaylan bolted.  
Dodging through corridors and passing more guards she recalled what her mother has said.  
"Go on. Get out with you. If you can't live here now, you never will be able to. You've caused enough grief leaving so don't even think of coming back."  
She couldn't go back to the farm, she realized and this made her smile as she hid behind a door. She didn't want to go back to those silly farmers after all, EVER! She had no belonging to speak of now, she had never really had anything to call her own. Luckily, the clothes she now wore were the ones she had brought from the farm and not the prissy white dress she had to wear for the ... dog shows.  
Suddenly as Kaylan registered her surroundings she was filled with dread. She was in Kuzco's throne room. In her rush to get as far away as possible before the guards came to her senses, she had taken a wrong turn and had run into the throne room. Luckily for Kaylan, no-one had seen her. The only people in the room were Yzma and a poor peasant she seemed to be having a go at. Oh, and Kronk, but he didn't really count. Oh yeah, she had heard about Yzma and Kronk. Yzma was sitting in the throne berating this defenceless peasant and... Wait! Yzma was in his throne! Kaylan frowned in disbelief, Yzma was not authorized to be in that situation... Yzma was breaking Kuzco's rules. Suddenly, Kuzco entered the throne room. Kaylan let out a quiet gasp then caught herself and hid under a table in the far corner of the room. Worse than being caught by the guards would be to be caught by Kuzco. Word had it, he was not a nice guy and Kaylan knew enough of his personality from her run-ins with his ego at the... auditions.  
Yzma seemed to be in trouble.  
"You're doing it again." Said Kuzco.  
"Doing? Doing? Doing what?" Asked Yzma.  
"My job." Kuzco answered. "I'm the emperor. You're the emperors Badvisor/B."  
Kaylan shivered under the table while Kuco continued to scold Yzma and Kaylan's eyes widened when he fired Yzma.  
Once Kronk and Yzma had left the room, Kaylan decided that nothing could be worse than being stuck under that table the whole day.  
She crawled out from under the table and proceeded to walk out the door she came in, acting as normal as humanly possible.  
She nearly had a heart attack when someone tapped her on the shoulder.  
"Hey." Kuzco said. "Don't be scared, You saw the whole thing right."  
"Uhh... Yeah, I mean, Yes your highness." Kaylan hastily bowed, the better to make her look like just another lowly servant.  
"Well..." Kuzco started. "Keep it a secret."  
"Yes your highness."  
"But if Yzma pretends it didn't happen, I need a witness."  
"Yes your highness."  
"And who better to be a witness than my new advisor."  
"Yes your... what the?" Kaylan's jaw dropped in disbelief.  
"It's a bit strange, isn't it?" Kuzco said. "Hiring a peasant for such an important task."  
"Then why would you hire one?" Kaylan asked.  
"Well judging by your expression while you were hiding under the table." Kuzco paused to let it sink in that he saw her. "You knew exactly what Yzma was doing wrong and were disgusted by it."  
"But you don't know me..."  
"Kaylan Massiela Roeschan Viracocha, aged 16... right? From a small farming village south of the palace... you... you came here seeking fame and fortune but when you couldn't find a job you decided to try out for the role of 'Kuzco's bride', although you hated the sexism involved you thought it could be an easy way to get to know people around the palace and therefore ensure you a job later. At that time you didn't realize it would be this boring The most testy of the bunch... except for that one who tried to kill me earlier..., you hate being dressed up and this morning you finally snapped, running away and easily evading the dim-witted guards."  
"You do know me... but how did you know all that?"  
"I like to keep tabs on people." Kuzco said. "For instance, Yzma has a secret lab in the dungeon area of the palace. There are to levers to get to it but one leads to a crocodile pit."  
"I still don't get why you want me for the job." Kaylan said, then remembered who she was talking to. "Your highness."  
"Well that one's simple." Kuzco said. "No one, believe me, NO ONE, will want Yzma's job. Look... I have to go, busy busy busy. A fish market near the entrance to the palace, go there and they'll give you free board above them. Just tell them I sent you. I'll meet you there in a week to organize things."  
With that, Kaylan was hustled out of the room, before she could say,  
"But what if I don't want to be advisor? I don't know how."  
Recieving no answer, Kaylan started on her way to the fish market. 


	2. Fishy Business

"FRESH FISH!" A large, sweaty, ruddy-faced, balding man slammed a fish down on the counter in front of Kaylan. "And what may I do for you, little missy?"  
"Umm... I was told you'd give me a place to stay." Kaylan said, her nervousness showing through her voice.  
"Well little missy, I'll see what I can do. Anything else?"  
"Um..." Kaylan started. "I know this sounds silly but... Kuzco sent me?"  
"Allrighty then." Said the fishmonger. "Another for the room above."  
He gave Kaylan a knowing look.  
"So you're in with the prince are you?"  
"Um... yes... I mean No... I mean... I'm working for him.. Not like that but..." Kaylan was quickly growing more and more agitiated at describing her position with Kuzco. "He's giving me a job and I'm to wait here and in a week he'll come and organize things."  
"Oh, Well that's different." The fishmonger said. "You can help around her for a week then."  
Kaylan sighed, This was as good an understanding as she would get. "I guess I'll have to... If I'm paid."  
"You can be paid in food and board." The fishmonger stated.  
Kaylan contested that. "Kuzco said I'd get free food and board."  
"He didn't say that to me."  
"I don't want to work here."  
"No one WANTS to work here."  
"I don't know how to sell fish."  
"You wont be selling them."  
"I don't DO dirty work."  
"Fine fine..." The fishmonger said, defeated. "I'll give you five apples for a weeks work and free board and you can organize the fish on display."  
"No way!" Kaylan exclaimed. "The job's worth three oranges, a goat and free food and board, At least."  
"One orange, Two apples, a goat and free food and board and you can also sweep up, scale the fish and wash the dishes."  
"Okay..." Kaylan smiled. "But without the fish scaling."  
"Deal." The fishmonger conceded. "And by the way, my name is Naril. I used to work in the palace, you know."  
"Really?" Suddenly Kaylan was interested. "What did you do?"  
"I was the imperial entertainer." Naril paused. "But I guess I made one too many fish jokes."   
Naril let out a hearty laugh and Kaylan nervously joined in, wondering what Naril had really done to be demoted so radically. 


	3. Eeew, wet llama

It was a week after Kaylan had arrived at the fish market and there was no sign of Kuzco. Kaylan was alarmed but she kept her head down and worked, as she was being paid ten apples a day, free food and free board now. In fact, Kaylan kind of enjoyed workingn there. Rumours passed around, about the death of the prince, but Kaylan did not hear these. Since the market was outside the palace, nothing had been confirmed yet. Just as she was finishing sweeping all the dust into a pile, she heard the light but quick footfalls of someone running as fast as thier legs could carry them. Kaylan looked up as Rula skidded to a halt in front of her, scattering the dust in a speading cloud.  
"Kay... Please." Rula panted urgently, "You've got to hide me."  
Kaylan was dumbfounded, "How did you find me?" She asked.  
"No time for that!" Squealed Rula, grabbing Kaylan's bangle laden wrist and dragging her into a back alley. "The dust will hinder them but we need somewhere enclosed."  
"My room." Kaylan snapped her fingers. "I'll show you the way."  
They snuck around the corner, hiding behind some ornamental pots to see a pair of palace guards looking around frantically.  
"Where is that bitch?" Said the first guard.  
The second guard replied, "She's gotta be around here somewhere."  
"Okay, You check that alley, I'll talk to the old fishmonger, see if he saw anything." The first ordered.  
Grumbling about being pushed around too much, the second guard walked right past the girls, and into the alley. Kaylan signalled to Naril to keep the first busy. As Naril chatted to the first guard about the price of fish, Kaylan and Rula slipped in the door and climbed the stairs. Rula huddled in a corner under the window, out of sight of the guards, while Kaylan shut the door and slid her bed against it.  
"Care to tell me what's going on?" Kaylan asked, as she sat down beside Rula.  
"Oh, Kay. It's horrid!" Rula started, "Kuzco's dead or missing, and Yzma's taken his place."  
"Kuzco's... gone?" Kaylan said. "Gone?"  
"Yeah, and Yzma ordered all us girls executed, in case we had some claim to the throne.The others... they got away as soon as they heard, went away to the peasant villages I heard. But I... I was so scared, I didn't know what to do. I barely made it out of the palace, with those guards hot on my heels. Oh goodness Kay, I wish I'd gotten out early like you did."  
"I didn't get out Rula." Kaylan replied carefully. "I got caught."  
"But the guards said their search was inconclusive." Stammered Rula.  
"Well, Theirs was. I wasn't caught by the guards. I was caught by Kuzco."  
"What? You're still alive? And what are you doing here?"  
"I saw something I probably shouldn't have... and Kuzco gave me a job." Said Kaylan. "We were going to meet here today to organize everything, I'm supposed to be his new advisor, which is why I need you, Arula Perencho, to tell me everything you know about the circumstances in the palace now."  
Rula was startled, but quickly got to the point. "The day after you left, Yzma announced that the emperor was ill, and not to be disturbed. On the second day it was announced that Kuzco had died and we had his funeral. Yzma wanted this to be kept quiet until her official crowning two days from now. It was late last night when I escaped. The guards were hunting me through the palace all night, but I escaped into the town this morning. Nothing's been heard from Kuzco since the first day."  
"Okay." Kaylan instantly came to a conclusion. "Yzma! No-one else but me and Kuzco were there when he fired her. She must have done something to him."  
"Well what can we do?"  
"We can hide you for a start. If Yzma's keeping quiet about his death at the moment... I'd say he isn't dead. We need at least one person that knows Yzma was fired, one person to stay safe in case anything goes wrong. Thats YOU."  
"But what are you going to do?"  
"I don't know yet... There's nothing really we can do, except storm the palace."  
"But Kaylan, That would be suicide."  
"If it were public enough, She, meaning Yzma, couldn't do much to me."  
"I can't condone this."  
"You don't have to, but I have to do this. Kuzco expected something like this, It's my duty to the crown."  
"So what will I do when you're gone?"  
"You stay here. You can work for Naril."  
"Work? Why do I have to work? It's DEMEANING!"  
"You want a place to hide out? Stay alive as well perhaps? Well Naril expects an honest day's work."  
A long silence followed. Kaylan was thinking.   
"I'll go tonight." Kaylan said. "Hide out in the announcement room until sun-up. When Yzma comes to address the palace workers so they work harder... then I'll work my magic. Besides, If anyone deserves to be Empress, It's me. I am the real Emperors advisor after all."  
"You are so loyal Kaylan. So loyal to the crown." Rula wrinkled her forehead. "Why weren't you happy serving Kuzco before?"  
"Well, My job has a point now. You can only be loyal if you are useful, I find." Kaylan said, as she moved her bed away from the door and opened it. "I have to prepare things... talk with Naril, those guards will be gone by now. Naril talks people to insanity."  
Kaylan flicked the door shut and descended the stairs.  
"Naril!" She yelled. "I need a word!"  
Naril bustled up behind her, suprising her. "Yes Kaylan, we need a word. Just what connections did you have at the palace, anyway?"  
"Not at the moment, Naril." Kaylan stammered. "I have to go away for a while."  
"We were just increasing our production though." Naril protested. "I can't find someone who will work as hard as you on such short notice."  
"You just did." Kaylan said. "The guards were looking for someone, weren't they? That's your worker."  
"A harem girl?"  
Kaylan sighed. "Do I have to go through my life story here Naril? I've got to go, and that 'harem girl' will work as hard as I did, If not harder. Do you know why? Because a harem girl lives in fear, If she doesn't do her very best... she doesn't have much longer to do a very best in."  
Kaylan started to leave but Naril stopped her. "I worked in the palace before, You know. Kaylan, Good luck."  
Naril turned, to go and greet his new employee, while Kaylan made her way to the palace. 


	4. Raging Goddess

Her face illuminated by the many candles around the 'shrine' to Kuzco, Kaylan felt more sure than ever that Kuzco wasn't dead. She suspected that if he really was dead, Yzma wouldn't have gone to the trouble of a shrine. She thought this simply because this made the perfect alibi for Yzma if Kuzco recovered from whatever she had done to him, the shrine made it look like Yzma really thought Kuzco was dead and that she actually cared. Kaylan felt nothing but contempt for the B old /B bitch. The announcement room was next door, so Kaylan wandered through and hid casually behind a curtain on the stage, and promptly fell asleep.  
Kaylan was awoken later by the sound of footsteps on the stage.  
"Quick, this way!" Said a four-legged figure to a much larger, two legged figure. "The entrance to her secret lab is a few rooms away."  
Kaylan was shocked. The four-legged Lllama-like figure sounded like Kuzco. It was Kuzco! Kaylan quickly calculated the details in her mind. Yzma was supposed to be an evil-diva-sorceress type, maybe she turned Kuzco into a Llama. Else that, or it was a demon llama... No, that's too ridiculous. So if that's Kuzco he must be going to her secret lab to get a potion to change himself back and since he was in such a hurry Yzma must be following him. Kaylan promptly made up her mind. An ambush, that was what Yzma needed. Kaylan got back behind her curtain, from whence she had fallen, and waited.   
After a short while, the skinny old witch and her carrot shaped sidekick made thier appearance.  
"We've lost them now." Yzma said. "There's no way we can get to the lab before Pacha and Kuzco."  
"Well... maybe with a little positive thinking." Said Kronk.  
"You're an idiot Kronk, do you know that?" Yzma said. "Now hurry up and stop struggling with all of that baggage or Kuzco will be changed back before we even get to the secret lab entrance."  
Yzma stuck her nose in the air and marched straight past  
Leaping out of her hiding place, Kaylan yelled, "The game stops here bitch! It's my duty to the crown to kill you, usurper. My duty as the Emperors Advisor", She ended with a smile before jumping on Yzma and trying to scratch her eyeballs out.  
"How the hell did you think you would get away with this?" Kaylan growled.  
"Like this." Yzma said and startled Kaylan by bitch-slapping her across the cheek and while she was recovering, shoving Kaylan into the wall, knocking her unconscious.  
  
****************  
  
"Hey, wake up." A voice called Kaylan. "Come on, you can do it. Wake up."  
"Huh?" Kaylan's vision was fuzzy and her head throbbed like nothing she'd ever experienced before. "Where,.. where am I?"  
A friendly female face smiled back at Kaylan. "You're in the palace infirmary."  
"What? Infirmary?" Asked a befuddled Kaylan. "What happened."  
"I think I can answer that." Said a more male voice beside her bed.  
"Your Highness!" Kaylan looked around her. "I'm so sorry, I would bow but I don't think I can stand."  
Suddenly Kaylan was overcome by a bout of dizzyness, which obviously showed in her eyes.  
"Shhhh..." The Emperor put a finger to her lips. "You're not quite better yet. Try not to talk too much."  
"Sorry..." Whispered Kaylan.  
"It's okay." Said Kuzco. "That was very brave of you back there, trying to take on Yzma alone... and before that too, your plan to publicly denounce Yzma in front of her 'subjects'."  
"Well it was just... so obvious. What she did."  
"Still, you could have lay low and never spoken of it again."  
"What..? and not be emperor's advisor?"  
Kuzco chuckled. "Yeah, about that, I guess you can start as soon as you're better."  
"Cool... What happened... to Yzma?"  
Kaylan's question's were answered when a grey kitten jumped up onto the bed and said in a small voice, "Bugger."  
"You can have her as a pet if you like." Said Kuzco. "As long as you get her declawed."  
"and... neutered..."  
Yzma-kitty quickly jumped off the bed and huddled in the corner.  
"What... about Kronk?"  
"He's got a job as a chef at Mudka's Meat Hut but he's no threat. Speaking of jobs, I've got to go now. You wouldn't believe what Yzma," He paused to kick the grey cat. "has done to this place."  
Kuzco left the room and Yzma jumped back on the bed.  
"Think about it kid." She said. "We could rule the kingdom together."  
"Think about it... kitty-bitch." Said Kaylan. "I could have you put to sleep... Be good... and I'll tell you a secret."  
"Damn." Said Yzma-kitty. "Okay, I won't attempt treason again. What's the secret."  
"You can... clean your own litter-box." Said Kaylan. "And by the way... My powers surpass... yours, so I can hold... you to that promise."  
Kaylan snapped her fingers and a change came over Yzma.  
"Kitty wants patting." Said Yzma. "Kaylan pat kitty?"  
"No... go find some yarn kitty."  
Kaylan dismissed Yzma-kitty and lay back. She was disturbed from her doze by the nurse who walked over and sat on her bed.  
"Hey Kay." Said Rula.  
"Arula... how did you get here?"  
"I couldn't stand being a, what did you call it? I couldn't stand being a toy poodle anymore."  
"You're a nurse?"  
"When Kuzco got back, there was a public message that the brides should return but I complained so much Kuzco quickly put an end to that and gave us jobs around the palace. Lucky huh?"  
"You... talked back the the emperor."  
"What can i say? My job had no point."  
"Okay... You win." Kaylan smiled weakly.  
"You get some more sleep, Kaylan." Said Rula. "You're still not all the way better."  
Kaylan smiled and let the darkness envelope her. 


	5. The Emperor's New Advisor

"Go on, Just sit in his throne. Do it, do it. You'll love it. He'll never find out. You know you want to."  
"But he's the Emperor. It's HIS throne. Don't do it Kaylan. It's wrong."  
"Do it. It'll be fun."  
"Don't do it. Treason just isn't you."  
"It's not treason... more like keeping his seat warm."  
"He wouldn't see it that way."  
"You'd really be doing him a favour."  
Don't be fooled, Kaylan hadn't borrowed Kronk's shoulder angels. The spell was wearing thin and Yzma-Kitty was constantly switching from good Yzma to Bad Yzma and back again. With all this paperwork, Kaylan hadn't had time to renew the spell and she found it amusing anyway. Constantly switching from good to bad, Yzma-Kitty couldn't do any harm either.  
"Just shut up, damnit Kitty." Kaylan said. "I haven't got time to do his job, and if I did have the time I wouldn't try anyway. I didn't score that crack on the head for nothing. you know."  
"Who said anything about doing the hard parts." Said Bad Yzma. "You could just reap the benefits."  
"If I need any benefits I'll just ask Kuzco." Replied Kaylan. "I am his advisor after all. I just don't know how I can do the job and study how to do the job at the same time."  
"I could teach you how to be emperors advisor."  
"Wait-a-sec, Are you the good Kitty or the bad Kitty?"  
"The good."  
"I don't trust you."  
A warning look came over Yzma-Kitty's cat face but it was stifled before Kaylan could take much notice.  
"Miaow? You can trust me. I was emperors advisor for..." Yzma kitty thought for a minute. "... Over a hundred years."  
"You were an evil emperors advisor."  
"I got the job *Mew* done."  
"Allright." Said Kaylan finally. "But don't try anything I would consider evil."  
"*Purrrrrrr* I wouldn't Kaylan, please pat kitty now." Said Yzma-Kitty at the same time thinking. "When I'm through you won't consider anything evil." 


	6. The Emperor's New Advisor Part Two

"Well I must say, I love this new outfit." Said Kaylan, turning to look into the gold plated mirror.  
"Yes, I knew you would." Replied a smug Yzma-Kitty sitting on a silk cushion.  
"But aren't the feathers a bit much?"  
"Oh, no no no darling." Replied Yzma. "The key to being the emperors advisor is... is... extravagance."  
"But I don't really see how it gets the job done."  
"Yeah, I know. You have to look the part though."  
"Oh allright." Said Kaylan, pulling her hair into a ponytail."  
"No no no, girl!" Yzma-Kitty yowled. "Leave your hair down! It will look much better that way."  
"But it will get in the way." Replied Kaylan. "I don't think I can work in this."  
"Who said anything about work? Miaow! The Advisors Job is to DELEGATE work, honey, not do it yourself."  
"But... Kuzco gave me the work to do whish would probably mean..."  
"That he wanted you to take care of it by getting it done, by you, or someone else."  
"So what do it do then?"  
"Call a worker, and sit by and look pretty."  
"But..."  
"But nothing. Now call."  
"Uhh, okay." Kaylan finally folded. "Umm... You there, servant, come here."  
Bowing and scraping, the servant hurried over. "Yes, your grace, what can I do for you, your grace."  
"Do you know the accounts well?"  
"I do, your grace. I learn the mathermatics from my father who was..."  
"Then get them in order." Cut in Kaylan. "Uhh... please?"  
"Yes, your grace. Right away, your grace." The servant hurriedly picked up the papers and took them over to a near-by desk to analyze.  
"Oh... I feel so mean." Whispered Kaylan to Yzma-Kitty.  
"Well don't. The accounts are getting done, aren't they?"  
"Well yes, but I..."  
"That's brilliant!" Said Yzma-Kitty. "Now let's see what I can do about your nails."  
"Oh, Alright." Said Kaylan, following Uzma-Kitty as she trotted out of the room and down the hall.  
"So what do you want done, anyway?" Called Yzma from around the corner.  
"Uhh... Nothing?"  
"Nonsense, dear. I think I have some polish that will do nicely. It's in my lab, shall it take you?"  
"Ooookay." Said Kaylan. "But where's your lab?"  
"Oh my goodness, someone doesn't know where my secret lab is? Well well well deary, here's the entrace."  
"Where?"  
"The face on the wall dear, you'll have to pull the lever for me. The height and lack of opposable fifth digits you know."  
Kaylan pulled the lever and a hole opened up in the floor, so Yzma-Kitty dropped into the depths below, wailing as she fell. "Wrong leverrrrrrrrr..!"  
Moments later a very wet, very annoyed looking Yzma-Kitty stalked in from the opposite side of the room, dragging a crocodile behind her. "They still haven't gotten rid of that lever?" She said, knocking the crocodile away.  
"The other lever now deary." Said Yzma-Kitty and Kaylan pulled the right lever which started a rollercoaster ride that, by the end of it, was nauseating for Kaylan.  
Slightly green, Kaylan asked Yzma-Kitty where the nail-polish was.  
"Over there in that owl shaped basket." She replied. "I always keep spares in there."  
Kaylan lifted Yzma-Kitty up the the basket where Yzma-Kitty picked out a glass cylinder of a shiny, pink liqui.  
"See how it sparkles?" Said Yzma-Kitty. "It will look lovely on your nails but you'll have to open it for me. Opposable thumbs again."  
Yzma-Kitty handed Kaylan the phial before jumping out of her arms. "Then give it back to me. I can paint it on for you."  
"Oh... Okay..." Said Kaylan, but suddenly she had a sharp pain in the side of her head and a feeling of suspicion aroused in her. Quickly, she inspected the bottle. Yes! There was a picture of a human on it. "Yzma-Kitty... good Yzma-Kitty... HOWTHEHELLCOULDYOU?!?"  
Yelled Kaylan, corking the phial and shoving it roughly back into the basket. She was cut short from her ranting by a familiar voice from the other side of the lab.  
"Kaylan? Is that you in there?" Called Kuzco, strolling into view. "Oh, and look at that, you have Yzma with you as well and, well gew whiz golly, look at that you're standing next to a basket of potions."  
Kaylan was speechless.  
"I thought I could trust you Kaylan." Kuzco muttered, shaking his head. "But I guess you'll just have to spend a lifetime in the dungeons."  
"But... Kuzco I can explain..." Kaylan spluttered. "Really, I can..."  
"No need, no need. Really, what a shame. I did think I could trust you." Said Kuzco, still shaking his head. "And you're even dressed like Yzma."  
"But Yzma-Kitty, she..."  
"I saw the servant doing your work as well." Continued Kuzco.  
"Dammit!" Kaylan yelled. "Let me explain, won't you!"  
Kuzco was shocked by this sudden outburst. "Okay, just don't try to poison me."  
"Right." Said Kaylan, her voice aflame with anger towards Yzma-Kitty. "Yzma-Kitty tricked me. She told me she would help me cope with the workload of Emperor's Advisor. She lied. She manipulated me, telling me I could delegate the work and spend my time looking... ugh, pretty. So she dressed me up like he used to look and then lure me down here with a story about nail-polish. When you stormed in I had just realized what she did, and I was going no further. I promise you."  
"Ooookay, that does sound rational, and I do want to trust you." Said Kuzco, pausing. "One more chance then, eh?"  
He turned to go but then added, "Oh, and Yzma-Kitty? I have this place monitored 24 hours now. Don't try it again." before leaving.  
  
******  
  
Kaylan gripped Yzma-Kitty by the tail and stormed to the palace kitchens, fuming. "Friggin hell, you lied to me Yzma-Kitty dammit! You lied! Kuzco will probably never trust me again and it's all your fault."  
"So what are you going to do about it, harem girl?" Yzma-Kitty hissed, whipping around trying to scratch Kaylan. "What can a farmers daughter do?"  
"This." Kaylan's voice had a menace in it that instilled fear even into the hear of Yzma-Kitty. She smilled at Yzma-Kitty, presenting her with a litre-jug of vinegar and a box of baking soda. "Warning, I get irrational and dangerously creative when I'm severely pissed."  
Kaylan tied Yzma-Kitty's legs together with a piece of string and forced her mouth open. "Now swallow nicely, deary." She growled, shoving the baking soda down Yzma-Kitty's throat. "This should be very yummy."  
Kaylan poured as much of the vinegar as she could down Yzma-Kitty's throat before tying her mouth shut as well. Yzma-Kitty's looked around frantically, but could not call for help as she felt the foam build up. It sure sas strong string. Kaylan took a few steps back so she wouldn't get too much foam on her nice dress... and Yzma-Kitty exploded, sending guts and foam everywhere.  
"Sorry about the mess!" Kaylan called, skipping out of the kitchens and back to her job, which by all means she was now going to try and handle on her own. 


	7. A messy discovery and two new matches

"Cook! Cooks?" Kuzco was walking the halls near the kitchen in the middle of the night. "Coo-oooks, I'm huuungry..! Where are youuuuou? You should be heeeeeerrre, serving me fooooood!"  
When there was no answer, probably because it was the middle of the night, Kuzco decided to go for a stroll into the kitchen area. He walked around the corner and gasped at the state one of the kitchen rooms was in. There were foamy piles of white bubbles scattered around, slimy entrails to be found at intervals and some tufts of grey fur here and there. Kuzco took a step back. Ugh, mess was beneath him. Surveying the mess, he noticed a note laying on the ground. He tiptoed towards it, careful not to get anything on him, and bent to pick it up. A misplaced foot caused a slippery piece of whatever-it-is-you-don't-want-to-know to slide from under him and Kuzco fell, landing face first in the gunk. Grumbling and muttering to himself, Kuzco grabbed the letter and sat up. He unscrunched in his hands and read it. It said, "Dear Cooks, My deepest apologies about the slight mess. Had a little cooking accident in here. Could you please clean it up before anyone notices and I get in trouble. Thankyou very much, Kaylan; Emperors Advisor."  
Kuzco's face turned red as he scrambled to stand up, his feet sliding in every direction. "Kaylaaaaaaan!" He yelled, but there was no reply, her quarters were on the other side of the palace. Kuzco stormed out of the kitchens fuming, leaving a sticky messy trail of footprints behind him.  
"Kaylan!" He said, entering her room. "Kaylan!"  
Kaylan, who was sleeping in her four poster bed, sat bolt upright and not quite awake. "Kuzco?..." She asked sleepily. "What're you doing here."  
A piece of entrail dripped off of the end of Kuzco's nose, falling splat on the floor. "Kaylan... Massiela... Roeschan... Viracocha." He said. "You are responsible for this."  
"Huh?" Replied Kaylan. "I dint do anything. Howd you get so messy?"  
"The kitchen... and your note."  
This comment woke Kaylan up completely. "Oh my god. Oshitoshitoshitoshitoshit." She said, half-smiling in terror. "You found that, eh?"  
"Yes." Said Kuzco. "Yes, I did, May I ask when the hell that was?"  
"Oh sure. It'll most certainly make you less angry... I think."  
"Continue."  
"You, Kuzco the Emperor, are covered in the gory remains of your old advisor."  
"Huh?" Kuzco's jaw dropped.  
"Heh heh, now you're the one who's not quite awake." Continued Kaylan. "Yup, I kinda exploded Yzma-Kitty. You don't mind you?"  
"Ummm... No."  
"Well that's good. I was afraid you'd have me killed for getting revenge of her."  
"For killing Yzma?"  
"Yeah, I couldn't let her live. She made you distrust me."  
"Well... I did give no another chance."  
"Look how far that went. You stormed in here ready to call armageddon down upon me."  
"True, but look at this mess you've gotten all over me."  
"I'm truly sorry about that. It was nescessary to explode her that way."  
"Why?"  
"If you'd seen the look on her face when she realized what was going to happen, you would know what."  
"You suprise me Kaylan." Said Kuzco. "When you come here, to the palace, you are humble and resigned to be a... how did you put it... a toy poodle?"  
"I think I said that."  
"Yeah, but then you show a fiery side, when you storm out, and your intelligence when you try to act like a servant. Alot of the other girls would have acted snobbish and said they were royalty. So then after that, you prove yourself hard working and with a good mind for money at the fish market, and fiercely loyal when you return to the palace."  
"And ridiculously stupid when Yzma knocks me out."  
"That too. But then you're forgiving when you take care of Yzma-Kitty and you show signs of being gullible when you're under alot of stress form work. When you yourself are wronged, you prove to be very creative, vengerful and non-chalant about murder."  
"She would have murdered you."  
"Yes, fiecely loyal again. Your personality is more complex than any worker, farmer, servant or indeed nobility, that I have ever met."  
"Really?" Kyalan was not sure where this was going. "I don't think I understand what you're trying to say."  
"Ummm... Okay, now I don't understand how to say what I am trying. Okay, here goes." Said Kuzco. "You fascinate me, Kaylan, I would be honoured if you would be my bride."  
Moments passed as realization did across Kaylan's face.  
"Oh no. Uh-uh, no way." She shook her head. "You're standing here covered head to toe in Yzma's guts saying you want to marry me because I fascinate you."  
"Well... yeah."  
"That's no reason to marry someone." Kaylan said indignantly. "Besides that, this is all way to fast."  
"You're saying no... to an Emperor?"  
"Yup. So fire me." Said Kaylan. "But that won't make me marry you either."  
"So... what will?"  
"First, you'd have to NOT be covered in Yzma-goop." Kaylan begain. "You would have to prove that you love me for other reasons, that we're compatible, that you like me as a person, that we share the same interests."  
"Well, don't we?"  
"I don't know. You would also have to sign a piece of paper stating that in no way am I a trophy wife and you would thus have not right to treat me as a prize you have won, no showing me off to your friends and no belittling me in front of visitors. No killing me because I show affections to others either. That one goes double. It would have to be more than a business deal or a curiousity." Said Kaylan. "I... can tell that you are already quite attracted to me physically, as such you may dispense witht he vantity. Puffing your chest out does not make you any more good looking."  
"Anything else?"  
"Apart from you loving me... I would have to love you back." Said Kaylan. "And making me love you would be one hard task."  
"I'll do it. All of it." Proclaimed Kuzco. "Starting with the bath. Eeew! Yzma entrails STINK!"  
"Then buh-bye now." Finished Kaylan. "I need to sleep or I'll be VERY cranky in the morning."  
"Right." Said Kuzco. "Okay, I'm going. Goodbye."  
Kuzco walked out of the door, but turned, sticking his head back through the door. "I love you..." He whispered, before walking away, down the hall and back to his side to the palace to get a bath.  
  
******  
  
Yzma's death was announced the next day.  
"And so... it is with great sadness that we mourn the departure of our beloved crone... NOT!" Said Kuzco, in the announcing room. "Guys, Yzma is dead and I declare today to be a national party."  
Kuzco fell silent for a moment, thinking.  
"I would also like to introduce you to the new Emperor's Advisor, if you haven't already met her." He continued. "May I present to you, Kaylan Massiela Roeschan Viracocha, the new second in command."  
Rula gave Kaylan in the wings an push, forcing her to stumble out in front of the crowd.  
"Umm... Hi." Said Kaylan. "I'm Kaylan... long live Kuzco."  
Overcome by stage fright, Kaylan ran off the stage.  
"I hate doing that." She whispered to Rula. "I hate crowds.  
Meanwhile Kuzco continued talking to the gathering.  
"A national party, and as such, the feasting will begin for ALL at Seven tonight and..."  
Kuzco was cut short by a wailing from the middle of the crowd.  
"Ohh... huh huh huh. Wahhhhhh." Kronk grieved for Yzma. "Oh, *sniff* sorry, don't... wahhhh... don't mind me... huh huh huh... please continue."  
"Someone get him." Said Kuzcom and this was Rula's cue. She hurried out and led Kronk away.  
"Shhh, now now, It's okay. Shhh shhh, she's in a better place now... shhh..." Rula rocked Kronk in her arms, as hard as that seemed. "Shhhh, the pain is normal. Everything will be okay..."  
"Ooohhh... but ohhh wahhhh... It hurts so bad... huh huh huh." Kronk wept. "She... didn't even say goodbye..."  
"Don't you worry... I'll take care of you." Rula comforted. "I'm her for you."  
"Thank you... Miss..."  
"I'm Arula Perencho... and come now, you need to rest. Sleep will help."  
Rula smiled, feeling a tender spot for Kronk as she led him to a place he could rest. 


End file.
